Machetes, gloves, butcher knives, weed whackers, drills, box cutters, straight razors, scalpels, the list goes on and on. The weapons in this list however, are in the strangest of places that make one wanna scratch their fuckin' noggin' and ponder how the writers and directors came up with this shit.
Here is... The Top 14 Weapons in Weird Places!!!
14. Mind Ripper (1995)
This isn't grotesque or phallic at all... Wes Craven didn't direct this but he threw his name above the title to help sell it like he did with "Wishmaster". It's decent for a 90's movie. This disgusting thing coming out of the killer's mouth definitely seems like an alien dick. It's even stroking its way to the flesh of it's victim. They do say sex sells even if it has to do with disgusting, extraterrestrial genitalia coming out of a throat and mouth. (Notice I said coming, not cumming) Thankfully, "Mind Ripper" doesn't go that far.
13. Inhuman Resources (2012)
[Knife under fake hand]
There's some brutal deaths in this movie and most of the worst don't even involve this knife hidden away under a fake hand. The curved cutlery does do destruction though. You can see this gentle fella's throat being opened for disobeying the rules and stabbing the host in the leg with a pencil. How dare he fight for his life while being held against his well. Stupid, rotten bastard.
12. The 10th Victim (1965)
This movie made two lists in a row!!! How about that? This movie must have done a lot right. It's very entertaining and creative in ways of offing people. The Boob Gun popped in my head while creating this list and c'mon... how could I not add it? I mean... you may get shot in the face, but at least the last thing you see is a fresh pair of melons eyeballing you as your life slips away every so excruciatingly.
11. Saw (2004)
[Blade in the Sleeve]
This one may be more sly than weird but Jigsaw having this trick literally up his sleeve to begin with makes it join the weird club. This is one of those random been there done that slit throats that feels more than real. Probably because Danny Glover is a well known actor but he bleeds really well after this throat slicing. James Wan knew how to bring the gore before he brought the spooky scares. 'Jigsaw's" knife equivalent of "Travis Bickle's" sleeve gun is a dirty, little trick that goes for kill.
10. Child's Play 2 (1990)
[Knife Embedded in wrist]
Why does this look like it hurts so much? It's a fake fuckin doll! Uhhhh... feelings stay with me from childhood and seeing Chucky jam his bloody stump into the end of the blade is bloody painful. You sick, little fucka. Not as cool as "Candyman's" blood hook, but more painful because we see the process of creating this dangerous, slasher weapon.
9. The Dark Knight (2008)
[Joker's Foot Blade]
All the fancy "Batman" gadgets in this movie and I can't remember one. I always remember the foot blade though because it, like the "Joker" character himself gave the movie a raw, real feel even if only for a few seconds. That'd be a pretty smart weapon to use on would be rape victims. I think all level headed women should have themselves pair of these slick loafers.
8. The Walking Dead - Season 3
[Merle's Forearm Knife]
A lot of knives and blades in this list and Merle may wear his the best.
This motha fucka's gangsta. Merle Dixon didn't play around as he mutilated himself to avoid getting eaten by zombies. Next we saw Merle after the mutilation and a full season later with his brand new forearm, weapon. He sliced people and zombies up alike and did it with ease. I wonder what the authorities would think if I walked down the street with one of those.
7. Candyman (1992)
[Bloody hook stump]
This may be the least weird because we're so used to the idea of a killer with a hook for a hand. The "Candyman" hook though stands out because it's not just a killer holding a hook or having one replaced for a hand, it’s imbedded in the flesh of the wrist of our victim/killer. That's some nasty business but "Candyman" swings that hook around with style and confidence. Let have a one handed, bloody clap for "Candyman" while gawking in the mirror and saying his name 5 times!
6. From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)
[Cock and balls gun]
Well, "The Tenth Victim" has the boob gun so why can't "From Dusk Till Dawn" have a cock gun? They can so they did and here it is for your visual pleasure.
Not sure how the trigger gets pulled and I really don't wanna think too deep about it because I don't like having cock on my mind. However, if I could get my hands on one of these unused and untouched I'd figure out a way. It'd be a bitch getting through the airport with this thing strapped on though.
5. Evil Dead 2 (1987)
I had to add this one. Leatherface can wield a chainsaw strong but what if he had to make it part of his arm? Sure, he'd get used to it but I don't think as fast as good ol' Ash did. I love the boomstick shotgun as much as the next person but the chainsaw hand wins in coolness and sickness. Even though "Evil Dead 1" will always be my favorite, there's no denying the impact of part 2 due to this chainsaw hand/arm.
4. Ernest Scared Stupid (1991)
[Troll's stomach gun]
Make fun of this movie if you will but I love it! Ernest P. Worrell was a funny mofo. I watched this movie a lot as a kid and I laugh just as hard at it now. That "booger lips sandwich" line gets my herb smoking ass every time. The main troll of this movie grows some more mucusy trolls and they have weird powers. These two concoct a great idea in turning one of their bellies into a pistol and spitting bullets like sunflower seeds.
3. Planet Terror
[Machine Gun Leg]
Zombies are the shit. You can go balls to the ceiling because people expect the worst violence wise in a zombie film. Robert Rodriguez gave us exactly what we wanted with his half of "Grindhouse" including badass, mutated zombies that rip Tom Savini apart, and beautiful Rose McGowan sporting and shooting a machine gun leg. Again, not sure how the trigger is squeezed, but fuckin shit this is a cool idea.
2. Helldriver (2010)
I don't know where to begin with this movie. There's not a second for you to even remember the word dull, let alone get a feeling that is the definition of the word. "Helldriver" will boogy woogy on your brain cells and you'll be high-flving those remaining brain cells during and after the movie. There's so much gorey action you probably won't need to read the subtitles. This zombie here thinks of a quick plan while in combat against our heroine and almost pulls off the win. Substitute your arms and legs for swords and you'll see what I'm talking about.
and the TOP Weapon In Weird Places is......
1. Rabid (1977)
I should write a book on Canadian filmmaker David Cronenberg. The dude enjoys making fucked up, in your face, body Horror that break dances on your brain. Who the fuck else would think of putting a butthole in an armpit and have a sharp object come out of it to kill people? Nobody. That's right. The answer is nobody. All 3 things, buttholes, armpits, and sharp objects are fine and fuckin dandy by themselves, but you start mixing them together and you have a serious mind-bender. David Cronenberg, once again... I salute you.
Honorable Non Horror Mentions
Austin Powers Series
[Booby knock-out gas]
Just when you thought it was milk, it was really booby knock-out gas for that ass.
Taxi Driver/ Django Unchained (2012)
[Arm slide gun]
It's no surprise Quentin Tarantino is a fan of Martin Scorsese's "Taxi Driver" and the would be hand shaking scene is pure evidence right here.
This is Dr.LoveGore signing off until next week, wishing you all a gory and Horror loving week!!!
This week on Beyond The Void Horror Podcast they sit down with Director Anthony Diblasi about his upcoming horror movie "Extremity". Plus review "Dread" & "The Midnight Meat Train". It's a big episode you won't want to miss. You can listen here or you can Listen/Subscribe on iTunes here!